I am not sexist. In fact, I am a servile husband. To prove it, we follow a matriarchal system at home. Most of my friends are women. And I see the Lifestyle Chanel. If I don’t get any more feminist than that then I would buy myself a leash and tie myself to a nearby post.
Even as a child, I have been an advocate for feminism. I know how a woman’s psyche works. I know for a fact that most women need constant attention and that they like it best when men act harmlessly or ponder how to make advances on them. A woman likes it when her man is passionate about cooking and knitting (not that I dig and make hooks) and read books. Unfortunately, I was shocked by the reality when one day I woke up to the stark truth that I had let women take full control. All my indulgence and generosity started to backfire.
There is a school of thought in my family that describes exactly how I have treated all the women in my life. I had to rephrase it because I had forgotten the exact saying, word for word. But the thought goes something like this: “Take the plow off the beast once and spend the rest of your life doing all its chores.” I was ashamed of how metaphor was used to describe women in relationships. The idea that my mother and sisters had to “use the plow” for the rest of their lives (or only from the moment they got married) bothered me more. So I vowed not to treat women like garbage.
When I watch the news and see husbands go to jail for beating their wives to death, my normal reaction would be to nod my head as a sign of my affirmation of the punishment they received. I suppose that God had designed men to be physically stronger than women because men can contain their emotions (this could explain why most victims of heart related deaths are men). But sometimes women can be man’s worst nemesis. If men use brute force to channel their anger, women’s techniques for expressing their anger are more artificial, well planned, and emotionally and mentally affective. Someone could get hurt by a hard knuckle sandwich, but when a woman starts talking (or shuts up as part of cold treatment) it just breaks a man’s heart. I don’t know if the men I see are generally violent, but I do know for a fact that when men begin to unleash their hidden strengths, it must have been provoked to the point where the heart and mind could take no more. Not all men are idiots. Some say that for the success of every man is a woman who works behind the scenes, I still believe in that. But I hope that if a woman reads this article, she would also think that it is possible that because of the transgressions and misgivings of each man, she too was the culprit.
Surely his girlfriend / fiancee is her-Hitler waiting for it to happen:
1. She never apologizes. Sometimes it is natural for couples to fight from time to time. But the best thing is that they can be mended after a fight. If your girlfriend or fiancée refuses to settle for admitting her faults or has gotten used to hearing you say “I’m sorry” first or seeing you come out of the confrontation. Be warned. Chances are, a woman who behaves like this even during the premarital stages of her relationship will be more assertive of her right to be right all the time once she has decided to get married.
2. She hates your family or your family hates her. A woman who is hated by her family or who hates her family is a woman who assumes that she is on a different level in terms of values and priorities. Such a woman may feel that she knows best when it comes to social courtesies and matters involving strong moral issues. A person who grew up in a family that is too lenient or too strict with the rules is probably a person who will form a family in the same way.
3. She thinks she knows better. A woman who values your opinion more than others will likely be the person who will take care of the whole house. This type of person is usually very controlling and a total perfectionist. “You can’t say this.” “You can not do that”. “You can’t talk to this person.” “You can’t be with that person.” “Where is my remote control?” “What took you so long?” “Why did you do that in front of the help?” “What are you wearing?” “Why is your father like this?” are just a few examples of a long list of derogatory remarks this person might make.
4. She is immune to her own rules. When my wife told me that I was not supposed to treat help with respect and courtesy, I thought that somehow maybe she was right. I also thought that maybe she was right in telling me not to contradict her in front of the help, but when I made a little slip once, she read me into total submission. Guess where? In front of the whole house! (neighbors included).
Possible solutions for similar problems:
1. Tell them. The possibility of telling women of such caliber is nil. But still, there is a small window of possibility that you can reason with it. If you listen, great. If you start bombarding you with outright accusations and denials, try Step Two.
2. Hold on to yourself. Go up a bit. Turn up the volume of your voice and be serious to make sure you get the message across. If you undergo this type of treatment, you may be caught off guard. There is a chance that you are beginning to consider your explanations point by point. If this ends when she raises her voice a decibel higher than her already raised voice, continue with step 3.
3. Seek outside help. I said “outside” help and not “professional”. There is a big difference. Professional help will appear in the last part of this article. When you get help, make sure this person is someone who means a lot to both of you, someone whose opinion you respect and value. You don’t need to be older. The important thing is that you really know that this person only seeks your well-being as a couple and not as individual people who try to favor one of them.
4. Seek the advice of professionals. Professionals include life coaches, psychologists, men and women of faith, support groups, therapists, etc. It goes without saying that not all professionals will do the counseling for free. Your approach will most likely be effective, but only up to a point. Therapists are not available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. What if the sudden outbursts happen suddenly in the middle of the night? If therapy doesn’t work, seek a second, third, and even fourth opinion. If this still doesn’t work, move on to the last and most critical step.
5. GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP while you can! This part is essential because it changes life. It will not only affect the person who opts for absolute separation, it will also affect the person who left, not to mention the people involved in their lives as a couple. Since you’ve done everything you can to save your relationship, people will eventually understand that you had no recourse but step 5. Remember, it’s far from a toast because you haven’t married yet. But in case such qualities are discovered within the marriage, the best thing to do is not to seek advice other than legal.
If you made it to step 5 and still end up single, remember that you have nothing to regret. There is virtue in fidelity, but at the end of the day, what really matters is how to bring out the best in each one. If you have failed in this regard, it would be best to separate. So live to be the best person you can be, only this time, on your own.