Some women approach sex with romantic illusions. They expect a lover to become so aroused by their body that he will “ defeat ” them with his sexual passion. They may not accept the need to offer more excitement.
Women’s “responses” to a lover are driven by social attitudes. For example, in the past, women were often expected to NOT respond to intercourse. Men considered it unseemly for a woman to cooperate with sexual intercourse. Perhaps the idea that a woman may be getting something from the activity. pressure a man to continue sexual intercourse for longer than you could. This is further proof that women’s responses to a lover imply behaviors instead of spontaneous sexual answers. No one can easily suppress your natural responsiveness for long periods of time.
Movies use sound effects to indicate that a couple has sex off-screen: a regular bang (of a bed against the wall) and the vocal accompaniment of the woman. Those scenes may represent arousal for men, but I find that men like to turn female arousal into a bad joke. Male fantasies get tremendous pressure on women to adjust to men’s vision of their sexuality. The female orgasm is more often associated with pornography than with real life.
Men who watch pornography (I realize that is any man with access to a computer!) Expect all women (even their wives) to provide these arousals. Some women are never exposed to accounts of how women provide a ‘sexual performance’ for the gratification of a male audience. Even if they are, many women are not equipped with the sexual instincts to provide this erotic spectacle. Men seem to think that every woman has the skills of a porn star, a prostitute, or a lover. Such a woman must not be offended by the carnal instincts of men and be able to put on a convincing erotic performance.
We experience intimacy not only through sex, but also by inflicting pain. We hurt others (either physically or by what we say) because it feels good. We get a form of personal gratification but it is not necessarily sexual. Women can be as intimidating as men, but they are not equipped (physically or emotionally) to obtain sexual satisfaction from others by force.
In the UK there were 53,665 sexual offenses (rape, sexual assault, sexual activity with minors and “other sexual offenses”) in 2011. There were only 103 women in custody for sexual offenses (compared to 10,832 men). The vast majority of women had an “other sex offense” type of crime.
While women often do not appreciate the importance that men give to eroticism men rarely appreciate the importance that women place on affection.