A woman recently came to see me who was mourning the unexpected death of her son two weeks earlier. She was using a cane and, as any grieving mother would, she looked utterly exhausted. During our conversation it came to light that she normally does not use a cane. She explained that she hadn’t eaten much, a little yogurt and melon. There was more: she had been feeling weak and dizzy and she was afraid of falling. Thus, the cane was a necessity.
I quickly asked him if he had been drinking a lot of water. Her immediate response was, nothing at all. The result was a common condition that affected the vast majority of mourners: unrecognized chronic dehydration. This hidden condition, which occurs in both the non-grieving and the grieving at any age, plays a major role in the development of headaches, confusion, stomachaches, feelings of sluggishness, dizziness, flare-ups from old injuries and falls. Grief exacerbates dehydration due to the emotional morass that must be traversed.
As simplistic as it may sound, daily water consumption is an absolutely essential part of self-care and, more importantly, a critical coping technique when grieving the death of a loved one. Complaint work is very stressful and demands a lot of energy and stamina. The need for water in the body, not soft drinks, alcohol or caffeinated beverages, which remove water from the cells, is essential. Water, spring water if possible, will help immensely in reducing the physical pain of grief and support brain maintenance.
Here’s what you need to know about daily water intake and bereavement dehydration.
1. If you say to yourself “I’m thirsty”, you’re late, because you’re already dehydrated and your body is paying dearly for it. This means that you should drink water at specific times before you reach the “I’m thirsty” stage. This is especially true as you age, when thirsty awareness is much slower to convert to conscious thought.
2. How much should you drink? In general, actual intake depends on body size as some need more than others. However, diet, exercise levels, stress, weather, sweating, and other factors make the (don’t let this number save you) goal of 40 ounces per day essential. All you need to do is drink five 8-ounce glasses. Wow, you say. That may seem out of your reach, but wait. See for yourself how small 8 ounces is by taking a liquid measuring cup and filling it to the 8 ounce mark. Then pour the water into a glass and see how small it really is. It’s like having 8 drinks on the playground as a kid.
3. Try this schedule for your water intake. About 15 minutes before each meal, drink 8 oz. This means that first thing in the morning drink water, with a little lemon if necessary, before anything else. Your kidneys will love you for it. About an hour after your meal, drink another 8 oz. Yes, I know with three meals that add up to six glasses and a total of 48 ounces. So if you want, skip the one after dinner or before. On the other hand, six glasses is ideal because 40 ounces is the bare minimum, as most physiologists will tell you. You’ll know you’re drinking enough if your urine is clear or light in color, not dark.
4. If you haven’t been eating, like the mother above, your electrolyte levels may become abnormal and you may need to add some electrolytes, the absence of which adds to your confusion and blood pressure problems. Electrolytes in the blood are substances such as sodium, potassium, chloride, calcium, and magnesium that become electrically conductive ions in solution. Our cells cannot function without this electrical transmission. Electrolytes are not found in drinking water. You need to get those minerals into your system some other way.
However, you don’t necessarily need to drink Gatorade or other sports drinks to satisfy this need, as many athletes do. Food is the best source. If you eat some vegetables (especially broccoli, kale, or green beans), fruits, and nuts, they’ll fill your bill. Of course, this is not easy to do when grieving. That’s why it’s so important to eat just a little, like a small salad, even at a time when you don’t feel like it.
In short, consider scheduling your water intake as one of your new routines. Make a note or put a picture of a glass of water on your bulletin board as a reminder. One of the tasks of grief is to develop many new routines to adapt to the absence of our loved one. The water routine will not only reduce the physical pain associated with grief, but it will become the foundation for increasing the energy and stamina needed to face the transition you face in managing the emotions associated with your great loss. And, once it’s established as part of your new normal, you can use it for the rest of your life.