Being abandoned sucks. Nobody enjoys a break up. What’s even worse is that you’ll be tempted to text your ex non-stop after a breakup, thinking he’ll forget you, date another girl or something.
I’m here to tell you: don’t give in to that temptation! It will drive him away if he starts texting you a lot. So here’s a 3-step plan that you should use instead.
1. Do not initiate contact.
You’ve heard it, you’ve seen it, you’ve smelled it. And it smells bad! But the truth is that you don’t need to have contact with him for a while after the breakup.
This is why:
1. No contact allows you to heal.
2. Allows you to rest emotionally.
3. It allows you to see things from a new perspective.
4. NC allows you to control your emotions.
5. NC also allows your ex to control their emotions.
How long you decide to go to NC depends on your own personal preferences. Generally, 3-4 weeks is recommended. That’s the perfect amount of time to get some distance from your ex and also recover from fights and arguments.
2. Breaks without contact.
After those 3-4 weeks have passed, you cannot break contact with your ex. In fact, he might not break contact with you.
If they contact you about something seemingly insignificant, like retrieving a CD from your apartment, they’re probably looking for an excuse to see you. So what you need to do in that initial contact is to stay calm.
Don’t let yourself worry about a single visit with them. Instead, see it as an opportunity for your ex to see the “new you”: the person you’ve become after your time in North Carolina.
(By the way, during NC, you should have fun with friends, pursue your own hobbies, and basically have a good time in life. You should have forgotten about your ex for a while.)
3. Follow up after seeing your ex again.
So you haven’t broken off contact and your ex is talking to you again. Things are good, but not great… What do you do now?
Suggest a chance meeting with your ex.
Text your ex after they’ve stopped contacting you and say something like, “Hey, I hope you’re okay. I’ll be at (the coffee shop, local hangout, etc.) at 5:00 pm on Sunday. If you’re free, see you.”
Try to make it a gentle suggestion like this instead of a question. Questions open the door to rejection. It’s easier to just say, “I’ll be at this location on this date and time, so meet me if you’re free.” Frame your initial “date” with the ex in such a way that he doesn’t feel pressured to meet with you, but is free to if he wants to.