I would like to urge all parents to further ensure the safety of their children by teaching them to recognize danger on their own, without the need for anyone to be around 24 hours a day. We have underestimated children by assuming that they are incapable of learning to independently avoid danger, and we have done so at their expense… a fact made clear every time we see a small child running down a busy street.
Rather than acting as an external check on the mother, fathers would better serve their children simply by conveying their own fear to them and avoiding anything that is dangerous. This parental carriage allows children to internalize awareness of the danger ahead…after all, this is how most living things teach their young to survive quite effectively.
Unfortunately, the teaching method commonly used by human parents to teach safety topics, which can be called ‘The Screaming and Hitting Method of Teaching’, is a very inefficient and harsh way of teaching anything, let alone security topics. of security. In fact, this yelling and hitting approach is such a poor teaching method that it can even backfire at times. It should be apparent that the major flaw in the use of anger and violence as a method of teaching children to avoid danger lies in the imminent possibility that anger and violence will cause the child to fear the parents rather than the real danger ahead.
Let me explain a little bit about this learning of “transmitted fear” that we have put aside and unnoticed for far too long. It’s probably safe to say that most parents are aware of the fact that even babies react instantly to a parent’s frightened behavior. This is because babies are born into this world fully equipped to automatically switch into an acutely aware survival mode in response to a parental alarm reaction. As soon as the baby is able to identify a source of alarm from the parent, the baby will immediately adopt the same fear of the perceived threat that the parent has.
This ability of young children to immediately internalize the same fear that parents display toward a source of danger is a built-in biological survival mechanism that parents should be using to a much greater extent than they are today. This innate learning ability in children is biologically designed to act as an aid to help our young learn how to avoid danger…and thereby increase the chance of survival. Most newborn animal species also share this inherent behaviorism. Except unlike us, their parents make the most of their courage to teach their young survival skills.
In addition, parents could save us a lot of worry and time by making use of this natural learning tool. It’s a simple but proven technique that over time has proven to be much more effective, safer, and faster than other traditional, typically punitive methods of teaching children to avoid harm. This method utilizes children’s ability to internalize our transmitted fears and instantly adopt those fears as their own…and they do so in the form of a deeply rooted learning process that can take just minutes to stage and complete.
To illustrate how this method works, let’s imagine that you are the parent of a young child who is ready to learn to be careful around moving vehicles. You may want to start by pulling your toddler to the side of the road for the lesson during a period of low traffic. Start laughing and playing while at the same time keeping an eye out for the first vehicle to arrive. When one is in sight, jump up in alarm with a startled ‘OH! OH!’, and point to the vehicle while making sure your child is seeing the source of your alarm (rest assured, your child will look for the cause of his distress). It only took one lesson to instill a sense of danger in my kids when it comes to moving vehicles, but if you see that your child isn’t wary of the road after the first teaching attempt (perhaps because he didn’t broadcast his effectively) just repeat the process until the message arrives. Few children will remain immune to mom/dad jumping up in alarm at a perceived threat.
It goes without saying that this teaching method is very effective in teaching children any and all safety topics. The hot stove is another excuse commonly heard by parents to impose punitive measures on their children. But there is a better, faster, and safer way for new parents to tackle this security issue. First, turn your stove on to a high temperature and allow it to heat up well. Then go “play crawl” with your baby (say 8-10 months) to the kitchen. Crawl close enough to the stove to feel the heat, then suddenly and abruptly stop dead with a vocalized alarm. You will have instantly gained your baby’s full attention. Slowly reach your hand out toward the hot stove until the heat level becomes uncomfortable, then pull your hand back quickly with wide eyes, as she fearfully says the word ‘Hot!’ The baby might take off in a hasty retreat at that point, but she’ll likely want to learn more about this danger by imitating what you just did by proceeding to slowly reach for the stove. Under a watchful eye, baby feels the same annoying heat and is forever learning that it’s best to keep a hot stove at a safe distance (of course, she’ll want to confirm this learning with follow-up observations under close supervision).
My daughter didn’t actually have to reach out to feel the heat because she crawled close enough to feel it and identify the stove as my source of alarm. On the other hand, my son gingerly stretched out to feel the uncomfortable heat just as I had. Either way, both of my sons had internalized the desire to avoid getting too close to a hot stove from then on. This process represents a safety lesson that a baby can permanently learn in just one minute. In fact, I have found my method to be so effective that it is better for parents to be undramatic and find out that the exercise needs to be repeated than to be overly dramatic and scare others away. poor baby. While fear is one of the least desirable or recommended emotions to instill in a child, there are some fears they need to learn to survive.
My method involves a simple matter of thought and creativity. Of course, childproofing is desirable, but it doesn’t really teach. For example, will all light sockets be covered in all places visited? Maybe not. Crawl with baby to a light socket, reach a finger toward it, then back away in alarm. Crawl to the edge of the steps with the baby and come to an abrupt stop in alarm.
It is certainly understandable that a parent who sees their child in danger would react with fear and alarm. I would like to suggest that parents refrain from allowing their feelings of fear to turn into feelings of anger, at least when it comes to teaching safety issues. Anger leaves much to be desired as a teaching method, and is just as likely to motivate the child to simply avoid getting caught next time (the child is prone to walk away thinking something like ‘I don’t understand’). what was wrong with what he was doing, but for some mysterious reason it bothers mom so I just won’t do it when she’s around her’). Worse yet, young children have been known to start running away from the alarmed and angry cries of a spanking parent for fear of being hit. This reaction on the part of young children is especially risky near roadways, parking lots, and swimming pools, where danger lies ahead.
Any parent knows that there are times, no matter how high the usual level of vigilance, when young children will disappear out of sight. One of the primary purposes of this teaching method is to help address these potentially tragic cases by creating a greater degree of insurance against accidental childhood death and injury. Too often, children learn to avoid danger only in the presence of the punitive parent without understanding the real risks associated with the behavior in question.
Mine is a teaching method that serves to effectively speed up the process of children internalizing an independent ability to avoid danger, while also representing a means of teaching children without subjecting them to demeaning, disrespectful, or violent treatment.
Having said all of that, I should also add that while this method of teaching safety topics is highly effective, it still does not replace the need for young children to be supervised at all times where the possibility of danger may exist.
NOTE: This approach may not immediately prove effective in the absence of a well-functioning bond of trust between child and parent/caregiver. In cases where there is some degree of mistrust, current acrimony, or alienation between parent and child, it may be necessary to repeat the lesson in question.
James C. Talbot