In the wake of our fast-paced, technology-driven society, parents can find it more difficult than ever to communicate effectively with their children. While your language and style may change depending on your child’s age, these tips are designed for a lifetime of effective family communication. And remember, if communication hasn’t been your focus until now, it’s never too late to start! Below are 16 “touch points” designed to give parents effective ways to interact with their child, not once, but every day.
Check the numbers you practice with your family and consider incorporating a few new touch points into your daily routine.
____1. Show that you value good communication by sharing something every day. Share what’s in store for your day, and ask your children to do the same.
____2. Send the message that home is a safe place to relax, regroup, and share. Children should never feel that they must be protected in their own home. Home should be your family’s central support system.
____3. Communication doesn’t have to be a chore. But chores are a great way to engage in communication. Turn weekly chores, like folding laundry or doing the dishes, into an opportunity to share the workload and spend time together.
____4. Leave mobile devices at the table, in the living room, or wherever you have the opportunity to chat face-to-face. Have a “cell phone drop” if you must.
____5. One day trip. Plan a surprise excursion for your children. If they’re younger, you can give them hints as you go to keep them guessing. If they are older, you can ask their opinion on where they would like to go. This doesn’t have to be far, and it doesn’t have to be expensive. A day trip is a great way to get your family away from outside distractions and provide a place to focus on each other.
____6. Hold a “Best Story” contest. Story of the week Story of the month The story of the year Everyone loves a good story, so why not make storytelling a part of your family traditions? Set guidelines like “Your story has to be real” or “Your story has to be made up, the more creative the better!” The “winning” story can be highlighted on the fridge or in a special place of honor. Stories can include positive or negative situations, anything a family member feels comfortable sharing. The point is for parents to show children that family matters.
____7. Never underestimate the power of game night. A quick board game can do wonders for reinforcing the importance of time together, and you’ll learn a lot from watching your child handle winning, losing, and playing the game.
____8. If your child has important news to share, avoid being distracted by anything from a phone call to the television. Showing your child that he or she comes first sends a powerful signal of where her priorities lie.
____9. Ask quality questions like “How do you think you did on your science test today?” or “What was the best part of your day today?” Be prepared to offer your stories as well.
____10. Be an active listener. Listen, really listen to what your child is saying to you. If the story takes a few twists and turns, sit back and enjoy the ride. Don’t interrupt or offer a quick ending to a long story. Giving your child this opportunity for expression is a great way to build your child’s confidence and self-esteem.
____eleven. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. As parents, we are always free to say, “Because I said so!” but with the exception of situations where health and safety are at risk, creating an opportunity for dialogue with your child takes your son or daughter beyond doing what you have asked and being empowered to communicate effectively . Humans respond best when they understand the reasoning behind a request. And if you’ve said something you didn’t mean, offer an apology. “I’m sorry” is a powerful statement that shows your child that you are human and confident enough in your parenting skills to admit when you’ve made a mistake.
____12. Everything is in the details. Consider your choice of words. If you are a parent who is full of negative or put-down words, directed at yourself or your family members, this is the image your child will begin to adopt. Like internal dialogue, family dialogue becomes an important means of shaping our environment. Choose empowering words and positive phrases.
____13. When you detect “good communication” in your home, reinforce this behavior by acknowledging the act and publicizing it within your home (eg, “Thanks to Martin for telling dad he was stuck in traffic. And thanks, dad, for serve me. this delicious Chinese take-out”).
____14. If your child comes home with a problem, use it as an opportunity to find a solution together. Avoid jumping to conclusions. Listen to your child and then talk to him.
____fifteen. Humor is your family’s secret weapon. Find humor in life and teach your children to learn to laugh at themselves. Did you have a bad day at work? Simply recounting things that went wrong can turn a horrible day into a joyful time with your family.
____sixteen. Tell your children that you love them. Children are never too old to hear “I love you” and they are never too old for a sign of affection. While older children may have outgrown your kisses on the playground, they haven’t outgrown their need for verbal and nonverbal cues that you’re there for them. Make a hug or a kiss a part of every day.
Happy parenting!