Although having needs and feelings is part of the human experience, it does not mean that a man is comfortable with them. As a result of this, it might be normal for him to overlook them.
There may be times when this is something you are aware of and times when it is something you are not aware of. In general, this could be something that happens just outside of your awareness.
out of touch
Since most of your needs and feelings will be in your body, this probably means you’ll be spending a lot of time in your head. Considering this, if he spent more time in his body, he would have a better connection with both elements.
Still, this is not to say that you will normally be out of touch with all of your needs, as you may be well connected to your survival needs. For example, most of the time you would be able to tell when you are hungry and when you need to go to sleep.
externally focused
As such, it is likely that he spends most of his life doing what other people want or what he thinks they want. His mother, in particular, could be someone who gets a lot of energy from him.
Much of your life and life force can be spent both doing things for her and thinking about her needs. For some people, she will be seen to behave more like their spouse than her child, and for others, she will be seen to behave in the “right” way.
self-neglect
Because of how he behaves, it will simply not be possible for him to feel fully alive and live a full life. You may give the impression that everything is fine, but deep down, you may feel dead.
Not being there for yourself is likely to mean that you will often feel like you are running out of energy and that you will be deeply depressed. The mask he wears around others, then, will be in stark contrast to how he really feels.
Your Experience
When he is in touch with what is going on inside him, he may have a need to keep what is happening to himself. The very thought of expressing how you feel or what his needs are, let alone expressing them, could make you extremely uncomfortable.
To calm down again, you can ignore what is happening to you and focus on what someone else wants. This will not benefit you, but it will keep you from feeling anxious and fearful.
a closer look
Expressing your needs and feelings should feel comfortable; it should not be seen as something that would threaten its own survival. Since this is seen as something that is a massive risk, hopefully you will neglect yourself.
Your need to survive will be your greatest need, so if expressing yourself is seen as a threat to your survival, it will rarely take place. The big question is: why would it be seen as a threat?
back in time
What this probably illustrates is that it was not safe for him to express himself during his early years. This may have been a time when his mother used him to meet some of his unmet adult and childhood needs.
Instead of giving her what she needed to get through each stage of development, he would have had to be there for her. If he ever expressed himself, he may have been disapproved, punished, and/or abandoned.
emotionally abandoned
His true self would have been rejected very soon and this would have caused him to disconnect from himself, from his body, and automatically develop a false self. Since he was self-centered at this stage of his life, he would have come to believe that both his needs and his self were inherently bad.
The result of this is that his true self would have been hidden and he would have been very focused on his mother’s needs and feelings and felt compelled to please her. This was the only way he could handle what was happening; he wouldn’t have been able to stop what his mother was doing or leave her, and his father probably wasn’t emotionally available, or maybe even close to her.
a natural consequence
Expressing himself very early would have been a threat to his survival and, as long as this stage of his life is over -he survived-, his being will not be able to accept it. On an emotional level, expressing yourself will continue to be seen as something that would hurt you or leave you and die.
His early years would have been deeply traumatic and most, if not all, of this trauma will still be inside of him. Keeping this trauma at bay, instead of expressing himself and living a worthwhile life, will be his priority.
a key point
What you can keep in mind, however, is that what you fear has already happened. Therefore, what he really fears is not being harmed or abandoned; it is getting in touch with the pain you experienced when this actually happened all those years ago.
This bread will have to be crafted for him to truly let go of what happened and remain in his power. Until this happens, he will continue to be controlled by different parts of himself.
Awareness
If a man can relate to this and is ready to turn his life around, he may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.