Feeling better about yourself, having better relationships, and better outcomes in life means starting from the inside, with your emotional life. Find out how you’re doing in your inner life with the pop quiz below.
Fill in each blank below with a number between 1 (lowest score) and 10 (highest score). Remember that it’s not about being perfect or having to measure up, or not achieving or competing with others.
Your total score at each stage is simply an indicator of where you stand in need of accomplishing the growth tasks at that stage. Everyone needs to carry out these tasks, and everyone does it better at some times than others. Use this information to take care of yourself, to help you create secure relationships and smooth, fulfilling journeys in life.
One: The foundation of my existence
I’m capable of:
_____Create the ties with others that support me;
_____Discern and decide for myself when to trust and when not to trust;
_____ Know what I feel: scared, sad, angry, happy;
_____Be aware of when I am tired or hungry and take care of myself accordingly.
My area one score is ________ out of a total possible score of 40.
Two: My World of Stimulation and Action
_____I’m capable of:
_____Find ways to satisfy my curiosity in healthy ways;
_____ Provide enough variety in my life to keep me refreshed;
_____Balance sufficient activity with adequate rest times;
_____Maintain my sustainable connections with others while exploring.
My area two score is ________ out of a total possible score of 50.
Three: Thought and Independence
I’m capable of:
_____Know where I stop and someone else begins;
_____Create and maintain healthy boundaries;
_____I recognize the limits of others and respect them, whether I like them or not, or agree with them;
_____Think of myself, my own life, my own problems, and think to find solutions;
_____Be responsible for my commitments, including my word with other people.
My score in area three is ________ out of a total possible score of 50.
Four: forging my identity
I’m capable of:
_____Establish who I am in a group of others without dominating, alienating others, or giving up on myself;
_____Explore my ability to affect others in a positive way;
_____Update my sense of myself and who I am instead of being rigid, fixed;
_____Move from periods of uncertainty about myself and my role in the social world to being at peace with who I am;
_____Accept and deal with the consequences of my own behavior;
_____Allow other adults to accept and learn from the consequences of their own behavior, or not learn, as they choose.
My score in area four is ________ out of a total possible score of 60.
Five: My skills and learning process
I’m capable of:
_____ Periodically update my skills;
_____Review what I value as I get older and reset my priorities;
_____Show tolerance for the way others do things;
_____Contribute to society in a positive way;
_____Disagree with others without blaming or criticizing them;
_____Acknowledge and respectfully decline invitations for others to use me.
My score for area five is ________ out of a total possible score of 60.
Six: Integration and Sexuality
I’m capable of:
_____Adjust to my changing sexual maturity as I grow through early, mid, and late adulthood;
_____Accept increasing responsibility for the contents of my life and make the changes I deem necessary to carry them out;
_____Express my creativity in ways that are healthy for me and for society;
_____Find ways to address social injustice that do not harm myself or others;
_____Recognize that the world owes me nothing to live by, and stand on my own two feet; support myself;
_____Accept support from others and support others in mutually beneficial exchanges;
_____Take responsibility for my own health and well-being and make life adjustments that will support them;
_____Recognize that there is my own personal reservoir of pain and take effective steps to heal it.
My score for area six is ________ out of a total possible score of 80.
My overall score (adding all my scores together) is ________
out of a total possible score of 340.
What your scores mean: If your overall score is lower than you’d like, don’t panic. Instead, look for the area where your score was lowest and pay attention to it.
The six areas above represent the six stages through which we grow in childhood and then continue to grow and mature as adults. They are the same for everyone. That means that understanding/improving your own score in any area will increase your compassion and understanding for that part of others and therefore improve your relationships as well.