I get so many questions about how to keep a husband at home or how to keep him from leaving. A true example is: “Can you tell me a way to keep my husband from leaving or to make him want to stay, because I know that once he leaves, I have a real chance of losing him? He is determined to leave and I need to think of something quick to keep him here.” I get all kinds of variations on this, but the theme is basically always the same: the husband wants to leave the wife, and she panics, thinking this is the start of a divorce.
I completely understand these feelings. I was in this exact scenario a short time ago and handled it the way a lot of people do. In my panic, I literally tried and did everything I could think of to make it stay. I’m embarrassed by some of these things now. They were so below me. And, they only made him go faster. I eventually got it back, but my actions set back my success in a big way. In the following article, I will explain the best way to prevent a husband from leaving.
You can’t physically stop him from walking out the door if that’s what he wants to do. Negative mind games and ultimatums don’t work either:I have had wives tell me stories of them literally lying in the doorway screaming and crying in an attempt to keep their husbands from leaving. Do you know what she did in response? He stepped over her, as if he were the morning paper thrown at the door. One woman told me that she grabbed her husband’s leg and held on to her as he walked to the car with her holding on to her leg and being dragged.
I often tell readers that when you act like that, it’s really a big nuisance and it turns you off. You could compare it to the actions of a child, not an adult. How do you respond when your toddler tries to manipulate you with a well-played tantrum? Does that behavior endear you to him? It will probably only make you angrier. And, if he’s too tired to play the game and gives up just to keep the peace, he’s often felt quite resentful that he didn’t handle it better. So that the next time he starts the theatrics, you overreact with your determination that he won’t win “this time.”
Some women will go the other way and try to play hardball. They’ll say things like “fine, go away, but if you cross that line, don’t you dare come back. If you make this decision, that’s it. Don’t ever talk to me again if you walk out that door.” Again, this is very negative behavior that will only make you think “happy trip then”. There is a much better way. It may not feel as satisfying, but it will give you much better results so that it is much more satisfying in the end.
You have to let him make the decision of wanting to stay with you alone: Let’s be honest. The only decent way for this to happen is for you to actually change your mind through feelings that weren’t manipulated. You don’t want him to feel fear or guilt or those negative feelings that he will eventually resent you for. You want her to have positive feelings so she can come to her own conclusion that it’s better to stay and be happy than to leave and miss you.
This won’t happen if you’re fighting him tooth and nail or acting like you’re helpless and weak without him. I know it’s so easy to let despair rear its ugly head on him. But, if he feels like he’s losing control, apologize until he can calm down. He doesn’t want to let a few seconds of loss of control sabotage all the ground he needs to regain.
In all your interactions with him, you must remain calm and rational. You have to speak in a low but clear voice and make direct eye contact. It’s okay to say that you don’t want him to leave, but you should also let him know that you really want him to be happy and that you’re not going to add to his problems with your behavior. Many women tell me that this sounds like subservient behavior that I have told them to avoid. It really isn’t. He is a time buyer. If he knows that he won’t turn ugly when the two of you communicate or are together, then he will give you much easier access to him. So what do you do with this access?
He has to know that he is better with you than without you:It’s totally human nature to gravitate towards what feels good and try to escape what feels bad. You have to position yourself as what he’s going for rather than what he’s running from. When I say this to women, they think I’m telling them to spill false affection or try to seduce their husbands into staying. I’m not saying this unless you can pull it off so it doesn’t feel like an act or a show. (And often your strong emotions will prevent this from happening until you have some distance.)
Men hate being manipulated. If they feel they are being cheated, they will put you back in the negative category. It’s much better not to play, but to continue interacting based on what you did when you first fell in love. You know what and to whom your husband responds. You’ve been there before when you met. Everyone is different, but men are pretty basic. They like to feel appreciated, understood, valued, and they like to know that you feel genuine affection for the person they really are. The women or wives who manipulate them do not respect this and the husbands know it.
Often women will tell me they understand this but don’t think they will have a chance to let it happen because once the husband leaves, all access is lost. This is not necessarily true. There are often loose ends to tie up and conversations that need to take place. There’s also the strategy of going out there, living your best life, and making sure he knows it. This will often get a man’s attention pretty quickly, because he wants to know what has changed. He’s been trying to change you and this situation for years and then when he leaves, all of a sudden you’re different? How did this happen? Usually, he’ll come to find out, and that’s when you show the best of yourself.
It all comes down to letting him see the person he once loved. Because right now, he doesn’t see that at all. He sees a situation that he believes will never change. And, because of that, he has given up and feels that it is better to take a risk outside. You must show him that things can absolutely change and you must show him this through actions and not words.