I vividly remember standing near the pulpit and looking back at the church full of my family and friends. It should have been one of the happiest days of my life, but it wasn’t. My palms were sweaty in my pockets and my throat was dry. I was about to get married and something inside me screamed a warning. A part of me (an important part) wanted to turn around and tell everyone that the wedding was off. “It’s all a big mistake,” he wanted to say. “It just feels bad. Sorry to bother everyone, but could you please go home?”
Of course, I didn’t say anything of the sort. I convinced myself that it was just nerves before the wedding. They all have them, I told myself. “It’s perfectly normal. There’s nothing to worry about.” And I did, I made my vows, I got married. That night, when I had time to stop and reflect on everything, I knew that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. But I’m a bit stubborn, and since I had just gotten engaged, I was determined to make the marriage work. It didn’t work, far from it, and three miserable years later, my wife and I finally got divorced. Those wedding nerves had been trying to tell me something. Something important. They said, “This is not the right woman for you.” If I had listened, it could have saved me a lot of pain.
From that experience, I view wedding ceremonies with a very different eye. I watch the bride and groom closely. I notice sweaty palms and nervous spasms. I’m not just assuming they’re happy to be there. I have seen many friends and relatives say their wedding vows since then. Some of them are nervous and some are not. Of course, if they don’t, things can still go wrong; it is not necessarily a sign that things are perfect. But when they DO have nervousness, it is almost always a sign of bad things to come. One of my cousins was nervous. A year later, his marriage fell apart, and his lovely girlfriend forced him to BUY the ring (a family heirloom that had belonged to my grandmother) back from her. Seriously. I should have listened to his nervousness.
Unfortunately, many insecure brides and grooms are held hostage by a sense of commitment to their guests. They feel that they are too sunk when the nerves arrive. They are afraid of disappointing everyone. After all, friends and family often come from hundreds of miles away. They have bought airline tickets and filled a table with gifts and checks. Sometimes the parents of the bride and groom have contributed tens of thousands of dollars that could be lost if there is a last-minute cancellation, not to mention all the time and money the soon-to-be-married couple has invested. But regardless of financial considerations, if you’ve been blessed with the gift of clarity before the ceremony, if you’ve realized that you’re not really meant to be with this person, the only rational decision is to go out. while you can. Trust me, you don’t want to waste years of your life in a bad marriage. Not worth it. People will forgive you and life is too short.
Five years ago, I remarried. This time, there was no nervousness, no sweaty palms, no dry throat. This time, I really enjoyed the ceremony. It really was one of the happiest days of my life. Why? I found the right person. It’s that easy. If you have found the right person and you know it, there is no reason for apprehension or fear. In that case, you are truly embarking on an adventure, and it is one of the greatest and most rewarding adventures you can ever experience. So listen to your heart. Sometimes it is more revealing than your brain. It will tell you what to do. And when it does, when that message starts ringing in your ears, you’d better listen, no matter how inconvenient it may seem at the time. If that voice starts screaming inside you, don’t hold it back, don’t cover it with a pillow. If you do, you are just looking for trouble.