The English language uses a single word to express the broad spectrum of the meaning of love: from “I love you” to a passionate declaration to the signing of a casual letter as “much love.”
The Greeks defined love in more sophisticated terms such as Eros (intimacy and passion), Ludus (joy), Philia (camaraderie), Pragma (lasting love), Agape (love for all), and Philautia (love for oneself).
The first type of love was Eros, named for the Greek god of fertility. It represents the idea of intimacy, passion and desire. The Greeks did not always consider it a positive thing, it was perceived as a form of madness caused by Cupid’s arrows. It involves indulging in visceral and carnal pleasures that may seem frightening to some; while letting go may be what many people seek while drinking and dancing the night away.
– How far do you let it go?
– Are you overwhelmed by the sensations?
– Do you forget the world in his arms? Are you in a state of fluidity?
– Do you feel a difference in your vitality when you are with your partner / spouse?
The second variety of love is Philia or friendship. It is a dispassionate virtuous love (…) In addition, Philos denotes a general type of love, used for love between relatives, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers. – Wikipedia.
Another terminology used is Storge for parental love.
For Plato, the best kind of friendship is that of lovers. It is Eros who transforms into Philia and, in return, feeds Eros to nurture and grow the relationship from one of desire to one of greater understanding. True friends share their experiences and teach each other, thus living a fuller life.
How do you rank your friends (social media friends, drinking buddies, loyal friends, funny friends, mentor friends, …)
How much Philia do you have in your life?
Do you consider your partner / spouse / relationship as your friend? What kind of friend? Would you want it any other way?
The third variety of love is Ludus, playful love, which refers to affection between children or young lovers.
Ludus, which means “game” in Latin, is used by those who see love as a desire to have fun with each other, do indoor and outdoor activities, tease, enjoy, and play harmless jokes with each other. Acquiring love and attention itself can be part of the game.
Leisure lovers want to have as much fun as possible – Wikipedia
We’ve all tried it in the early stages of relationships while flirting and joking around. And we still do it when we sit laughing with friends or when we go out dancing. It is when we let joy run as if letting go is the rule to get ahead.
Are you playful? Do you enjoy being playful? No? What would that change?
Can they be like children together? What does it take for you to be like a child?
Do you still laugh at each other’s jokes? Do you use word games?
Do you laugh at your clumsiness? Can you laugh at yourself when you are together?
Are you floating in a sea of normality? If so, what would restore vitality to it? What would make you smile? What would make you smile? Do you even know what makes him smile?
Do you laugh without moderation?
Do you enjoy the same activities? Do you propose new ones?
The fourth love is Pragma. It is love when it matures and grows. One in which a deep understanding developed between long-married couples or previously arranged marriages. It focuses on long-term interest and personal qualities rather than intimacy. Pragma is more about giving love than staying in love like when the couple first fell in love.
It’s Eros’s passion, put on the back burner to make compromises to help the relationship work over time and show patience and tolerance.
Do you have the security you are looking for in a relationship?
Do you share common goals?
Do you have predictability and patterns in your relationship?
How satisfied are you with the qualities of your partner?
And last but not least, Filautia, or self-love, has two types: narcissism and self-esteem.
Narcissism has come to mean selfishness, with a grandiose vision of one’s talents and a longing for admiration, as a characterization of a personality type. (Dictionary.com) May be accompanied by haughtiness and arrogance and contempt for others.
A discernment must be made between self-esteem and self-confidence. People with self-esteem can fearlessly invest in projects and people. Failure, rejection, pain, disappointment do not hinder or lessen them. Due to their flexibility, they are open to growth, relationships and soon to joy. There is no time to think about setbacks.
Aristotle said: “All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man’s feelings for himself.” or as it is known in the current jargon “You cannot serve from an empty cup”.
What feelings are you projecting? How do people feel when they are around you?
How much love / hate do you have for yourself? What would love increase?
How is your self-talk serving you?
Are you ruminating your mistakes or looking for improvements based on feedback?
The ancient Greeks diversified their love. So where does your preference go on the wheel of love, if you have any? Are you fulfilling it? What would it take to fulfill it? Does your partner / spouse feel the same? How would you keep the spark alive?
Interested in more? stay tuned