Many wives who discover that their husband is still actively cheating on them often list “getting him to stop” as the most important goal. This is true even if the wife has no idea whether she wants to save her marriage. Very few people are going to discover the deception and then look the other way or allow the deception to continue. Most people want the cheating to stop immediately, even if the future of the marriage is unclear. So the faithful wife or spouse can go on a crusade to demand that the affair end. And when that finally happens, the wife may feel a small hint of success, until she begins to overthink it, and worry that the cheating may begin again, especially given the uncertain fate of her marriage.
She might say, “For two weeks, I threatened my husband by telling him that if he did not end his affair immediately, I would not allow him to see his children. He tried to delay and asked for more time. I was not moving. He told him there was no time to waste. And I suspect he was asking for time because he was trying to delay it, as he thinks he has real feelings for this silly, which is ridiculous. They’ve only known each other for a few years. months. He told me last weekend I had broken up. I don’t interact with him much lately, so it’s not like I’ve observed his behavior. I’m too angry. But last night I got up for a drink of water and he was in the kitchen texting. He said it was a message. text from his college son. But his face looked guilty. And now I’m worried that since I’m turning my back on him, he’s or will start to resume the adventure. How often does someone stop the adventure just to start over? “
That is really difficult to answer. You may already know this, but if you research this topic, you can find information indicating that as few as 22 percent of people repeat the cheat, or up to 55 percent. Statistics seem to vary on this topic. But depending on what you believe, you’re looking at anywhere from one in four men to one in two. Now, these statistics don’t tell us if the person cheated on their original partner again. They only tell us if you cheated more than once. So I suspect that the number of people who are cheating with the same person more than once is in the lower range of that scale, but I can’t be sure.
As someone who has dealt with cheating, I fully understand why you want this information and why you want to know how likely he is to cheat again. But I don’t think you should base your decision about your marriage on this information. Many wives feel pressured to resume the marriage relationship too soon simply because they fear that if they do not, their spouse will simply return to the other person because it is so easy. I understand why this is tempting, but rushing in this way isn’t ideal either. Not enough time has been given to observe, wait, and process what is happening. And frankly, if your husband does get back to the other woman, this gives you a wealth of free information about his motivations and about his commitment to his marriage, at least at the time. Jumping back on topic (or never stopping it in the first place) tells you a lot about their thought process. If you can’t stand a well-deserved cold shoulder, then I’m not sure if you’re going to act differently no matter what you do or how much you walk on eggshells. A man who is serious about saving his marriage will end the affair no matter what because it is the right thing to do. However, not all men make this decision right away. Some get caught up in the drama of adventure, only to come back to reality later, after reality wears off.
There are no real guarantees in life or marriage. It is impossible to have an ironclad guarantee that your spouse will never cheat again. In my experience, the best thing you can do is decide if you want to save your marriage and then work tirelessly to do exactly that. Finally, you want a better marriage than you had when you started because this will give you the confidence that you can believe in your marriage again. But none of these things can happen unless and until you find out what your spouse was trying to accomplish by having an affair and then figure out a way to prevent that process from happening again.
However, that is something that is usually decided in time. There is no reason why you should rush simply because you are afraid that he will cheat again. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep a close eye on it and get all the important information you can. But if you’re serious about doing this right, you won’t start the matter again. Because it is common sense that doing so would mean that you may not give it a second chance.