I believe that emotional intimacy is the MAIN component of a loving relationship that keeps a man committed for the long term. Most older women can’t compete with those in their 25s and 30s who roam their husbands’ workspaces in miniskirts and push-up bras, but the wise older wives have something much more meaningful than a toned and toned body. flawless skin. They have years of happy martial memories, which have enhanced their ability to hold their husbands’ hearts in their hands and have their men come home every night, full of excitement!
Here are 4 ways to help create a deep bond between you and your man and PREVENT him from straying, temporarily or permanently:
First way to zoom in: open it
Your man has to feel COMFORTABLE TRUSTING you (revealing confessions, secrets, fears, etc.).
In a tough world where most men feel like they have to act tough just to get through the day at work or to survive a night of beer and soccer with the guys, they really need to have a place where they can be vulnerable.
As a woman, you must be the one who creates that space that invites vulnerability for him. You must create a place for him to remove his “man mask” and to be himself and SHARE himself.
Although we all know that men are not like most women in the way that we talk extensively about our problems and speak directly about our feelings, they need an outlet for accumulated stress and negative feelings. A woman who can create that outlet is essential to her man’s happiness and emotional health.
So how do you become a safe place for your man?
First you make it YOUR safe place. This includes two steps:
- You risk vulnerability with him and share with him your feelings, secrets, fears, etc. Basically, you reveal your most vulnerable part to him.
- You allow him to comfort you in these moments as if he were your hero.
Now, sharing your raw truths with him does not mean that you become a complainer and a crybaby. It means that you share your negative feelings, thoughts, experiences, etc. with him to bring them closer to both.
Examples of what I mean:
A COMPLAINANT comes home, drops her purse on the counter, runs through the kitchen complaining about a co-worker while her husband is silently reading a book at the kitchen table when she bursts in and starts ranting.
A DEVELOPER comes home, kisses her husband on the cheek, sits next to him and, while touching him lovingly, says, “I know you are reading that book you just bought, but I need my loving husband’s ear for a minute. Do you think about that? “
A Llorona takes an intimate moment with her boyfriend (let’s say pillow talk) and goes on and on about her feelings around a topic, dumping all her anxiety on her man and making him feel invisible as a person and more like a sounding board. Now this crybaby might still be sweet, caring, gentle with her words, but if she’s been talking to him instead of WITH him, she’s treating him like a garbage man.
A REVEALER takes this intimate moment and talks about his feelings and thoughts while constantly checking to see if his words reach him. She knows when she is overwhelming him with her negativity and can stop without feeling resentful that he is not still listening well.
COMPLAINERS and COMPLAINERS generally allow their men to comfort them, but they are not easily resolved from their problem. They SUCK validation, affection, comfort instead of APPRECIATING IT and HONORING YOUR EFFORTS with genuine “Thank you” and playful hugs and kisses “You always know what to say.”
Receiving the comfort of a man is important. Surrendering to their hugs, kisses, reassuring words is essential. And even MORE essential is …
Accept his comfort with gentleness and sensitivity to his ego. even if it doesn’t feel comforting.
Then …
Once you reveal your most vulnerable part to him and allow him to comfort him, he will begin to open up about his feelings, fears, secrets, needs, etc.
Leave it alone.
Don’t talk about him or try to solve his problems by acting as his therapist. Don’t listen half-heartedly because your sister is on the other line.
Be mindful and in a way that INVITES you to feel safe and LISTENED in your presence.
Second way to bring him closer: don’t fight dirty.
Now that your man has opened up and shared parts of himself with you, guess what happens to a lot of women:
They take these revelations and throw them in their man’s face in moments of heated discussion.
Examples:
“That’s why you think your boss thinks you are weak!”
“No wonder you are afraid of feeling like a failure!”
“Maybe you’re acting like that because your father was abusive, like you told me he was.”
When women see red, we want to WIN a fight and feel that our feelings are valid. THEY ARE ALREADY valid. All your feelings are valid. Nothing you say or do will deny your feelings. You are entitled to them and that is all you need to know.
If you want your man to LISTEN to your feelings, SEE your pain, UNDERSTAND your pain, talk to him as if he were someone you LISTEN, SEE, UNDERSTAND.
This will create an emotional connection and bring him emotionally close to you. He will realize that you are able to HONOR his PERSON and his FEELINGS even though you also have very negative feelings. Then it will start to do the same for you. This is how healthy men work. They want nothing more than to HOLD your feelings, even when you are upset. They just don’t want to get burned over it.
If you can convey your feelings about him to him in a SAFE environment that invites closeness and positive change, you will break your back trying to honor his feelings and desires … even if you have to make sacrifices for his happiness. You really want to take care of your emotional needs. It feels manly to him.
Third way to bring him closer: touch him and adore, long for, immerse yourself in HIS touch
Some women are naturally (or have learned to be) open with their physical affection. They touch and caress their man (or everyone they meet) with love, tenderness, and warmth. These women are goddesses.
Sarah Jeanette, my friend and writing partner, is one of these women. She draws you in with her soft and sweet sensuality and she does this mostly by touching you while talking to you.
If you are not a sensual goddess like Sarah, you CAN easily BE. It just takes practice. It is about LOVING the keys that CALM man and INVITE him to connection.
Please DON’T be one of those women whose keys are THROWING in nature. The touches that are not caresses, but that TAKE your energy more, are not conscious touches and drive men away!
TAKE TOUCH example:
PULL on your husband when you hug him, instead of SLOWLY sinking INTO deep physical closeness with him.
You caress your man, but your caresses are tense and moving TOWARDS YOU, as if you are trying to make him touch you. (Your caresses should move in their direction).
Now listen …
Even more important than touching it, is RECEIVING its touch.
Every time your man touches you, relax … Like he’s a hot knife and you’re butter on his blade. Melt in its warmth. Let your muscles relax and invite your touch.
Sometimes this is easy to do, like during good sex, and other times it is difficult.
If you’re mad at your man, you DO NOT have to force yourself to melt into his touch, but you also shouldn’t walk away as if he is RADIATION. It feels so horrible to him.
If you’re really angry and hurt, just say you don’t want to be touched, give him a reason, and LET HIM back off. If he doesn’t back down right away, you need to be firm and tell him more forcefully. But let him be the one to step back.
Fourth way to bring him closer: Be playful!
Being genuinely playful requires that you feel happy in your life; therefore, you must begin to have a positive and loving relationship with yourself.
- You should worship yourself.
- Take every opportunity to laugh, have fun, and relax.
- You should leave room to feel your negative feelings and be less hard on yourself when you feel depressed.
- You must take time for yourself and take care of your mind, body and soul.
- You must find a way to love your work and hobbies and find joy in them.
- Indulge your senses to enhance your sensuality (look for my next article, “5 ways to enhance your feminine charm”).
Once you love yourself in a gentle, playful, forgiving way, and feel inside as if you have authentically positive, playful, feminine, sweet, gentle, silly, and laughing energy, you can bring that into your relationship.
Take any time you can to ENJOY your man and the moments you share together. Refuse to take everything he says or does too seriously.
Find ways to make him warm, smiling, cuddly, and goofy on the inside. I call this Soften it up– as if it were a steak in the oven, you are trying to make its heart tender and juicy.
Happy times together create emotional intimacy because laughter makes you and your heart happy, and happy hearts are filled with LOVE to give!